Find What Makes Them Tick

YOUNG ME: “How do you work so well with different people?”

MANAGER: “I find what makes them tick.”

That was the best advice I EVER got in dealing with different people.

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Communication is something that we all struggle with.  Everyone has different life stories, cultures, success and failures.  However,  when it boils down to it,  we are all just people who want to be listened to and understood.  This is why it is important to find what makes people “tick” … aka … what makes motivates people … what makes them happy.

How do you find what makes people “tick”?

It’s not easy … nor is it an exact science … but here are a 5 tips that I find help with the process.

TIP # 1:  LISTEN
The most important, but often missed step in the process.

When you are truly listening to someone all your focus is on them and you process every single word they are saying.  You do not interrupt them.  You let them stop speaking before you speak or form you own opinions.

It’s a very simple concept, but we don’t always do this.  Especially when we are in a hurry or know what we want.

Also,  when you are listening to someone you will learn how they communicate… direct, very formal, casual, scattered … etc.  You will also see if they are decisive, indecisive, or really laid back.

Listening reveals a lot about what makes a person tick and the language style to use when communicating with them.

TIP # 2:  DON’T STEREOTYPE
This has always been a big NO NO.  By stereo typing someone you are sticking them in a box that they might not belong in.  Put aside your pre-conceived notions of how you think someone is or how you think they should be … and focus on who they really are.

By setting aside all stereotypes,  you focus on the true person and do not make assumptions based on what you do not know first hand.

This will help helps you figure out what type of person they are…. You see if they are a happy or a sad person.  If they are strong willed or insecure.

TIP #3: SHARE SOMETHING PERSONAL
It doesn’t have to be your deepest darkest secret, but share something that shows you’ve got a little bit of life experience.

This will allow you to gauge how comfortable this person is about their personal life.  Sometimes they’ll respond with a very personal story … and sometimes they’ll just nod their heads.

Depending on their response you can unveil if they have are a very private person or a very open person.  You might even discover they have hidden talents or skills that they don’t always openly talk about.

TIP # 4: BE HONEST
Being honest shows sincerity and proves that you are not a robot.  People don’t like to talk to robots, people like to talk to people.

Be honest with yourself and the person you are talking to.  This will establish a trust and open communication.  They might even openly communicate what makes them happy w/o you having to ask.

TIP #5: BE OPEN MINDED
Don’t be distracted by other peoples differences.  Accept people for who they are and try not to wish upon them who you wish they would be.

Instead … focus on their strengths and what you do like about them.   You do not have the power to change them so you might as well get over it and move forward.

Easier said than done, especially if you have very strong opinions or are very strong willed.

To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.

– Tony Robbins

I’m no expert in communication BUT I can say that the moment I started to find what makes people “tick” my life got a little easier.

Happy people help make the world “tick.”

Happy Little Snowman

A few of the snowmen before I gave them away

I wanted to give my coworkers a small but thoughtful Christmas gift.  My intention was to make them smile and to bring a little holiday cheer into the office. 

While browsing youtube for “holiday arts and crafts” and I came accros a video that discussed holiday crafts.  At about 1:51 the lady showed little snowmen made out of socks.  I thought the idea of using baby socks as a beanie was too cute!  It inspired me to take that idea and create my own little version of snow peeps!

A couple days later I brought my little snow peeps to work.  Everyone who received one was suddenly so happy!!  Their eyes lit up, their voices got a little high pitched, and they were just filled with joy!  I didn’t realize that these little snowmen would bring so much glee!! 

Since these little snowmen generated so much happiness, I decided to make my first youtube tutorial.  I want to share how to make these little guys so that whoever is watching can make them, share them, and spread more happiness! 

Enjoy watching the video below:

or click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek4p75_siis

just me,
Cat

Happy Thoughts

Jaclyn Rae recently commented on one of the posts in our blog.  It prompted me to read her blog and I thought this blog was AWESOME!

http://polkadotteapot.wordpress.com/2010/12/01/happy-thoughts/

She wrote about how she keeps a journal dedicated to happy thoughts.  I can see that being a valuable reference to anyone who is in need of a “pick me up.”

Happy happy, joy joy!
Cat

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Today my co-worker went to Chipotle, opened his wallet and discovered that all that remained was one lonely little card. And it wasn’t even a credit or debit card. 😦

The person behind the counter was kind enough to let him have his food for free.

Trying to think the best of people, he tried to find places around him where things could have fallen out. He even asked a few people if they were playing a joke on him. Unfortunately … No luck.

Later on that day he said that he wasn’t angry or even upset about it. He said it wasn’t worth it. I also over heard him say, “if someone took it … How sad is that?” As though he felt bad for the other person.

He’s a GREAT example of how to act in that situation. Feeling upset or angry won’t solve or change what happened. Accept it and move forward.

Cheers to not letting the small stuff ruin your day!

Just me,
Cat

One Vision

“If Catherine has one vision and George has one vision … what do you have?  Division.”  – Father Manny, St. Michael’s church.

2 years ago today,  the priest told us the above quote at our wedding ceremony.  His little quote still makes us giggle and our friends still talk about it … but we all know that Father Manny was right.   Although we’ve only been married for 2 years,  we have been together for 10 years.  I’d be lying if I said our relationship has always been filled with candy and roses.  We do have the occasional “debate.”

Gee and I have always said that we don’t fight … we debate!  What makes a fight different from a debate is that we are really listening to each other and trying to understand the other person’s point of view.  After our debate,  we come to some sort of compromise and decide what the best thing is to do. 

I make our debates sound very civil, huh?  It’s not always that way.  Sometimes they get really heated and sometimes we cry … but we never go to bed angry.   We always come to some sort of compromise or we realize at the end how silly we were for debating in the first place. 

After we got married our debates have gotten shorter.  One of the reason’s that they have gotten shorter is we started to say, “One Vision!”  in the middle of our debate.  It always lightens the mood and reminds us that we’ve got to get to the point and compromise.

Always remember to share the same vision with your partner.  If there are any disagreements … don’t fight … debate!

just me,
Cat

You can do it!

I’ve been catching up on Grey’s Anatomy season 6.  If you are not familiar with this show,  it’s a medical drama tv series that focuses on the lives of several  surgeons.  To me,  it’s more about life than it is the surgeries.

While watching season 6 the quote, “Just because you’ve never done it, doesn’t mean you can’t” was said a couple of times. 

That quote reminds me of all the times I’ve said, “I can’t,” “I don’t know how,” or “you do it, I’m scared.”  Those were moments of panic and fear where I doubted myself and my ability as a human being.  In those moments,  I missed the opportunity to become something great.

There is always going to be a little fear inside of when we are faced with something new.  We fear the consequences if something goes wrong so much that we let it hinder our ability to move forward and see the consequences if everything goes right.

In the moments when I’ve said, “Sure,” “Why not, it’s fun,”  or “I’ll do it with some help” … I’ve been able to work through the fear and see that 99% of the time,  everything works out okay.  I walk away with more knowledge and that knowledge makes me GREAT.  It’s the one thing that no one can take away from you.

Get over the initial fear and you’ll be able to accomplish all your little heart desires.

Be brave!
Cat

The Power of Intention

I recently bought one of his books called The Power of Intention  written by Dr. Wayne Dyer which explores the idea that intention is not something we do, but an energy we are a part of.  I know exactly what he is referring to.  Everything falls into place when I give into this force that tells me something just “feels right.”

Here’s an excerpt from page 10 of the book that I thought was very interesting.  I hope you find it interesting too.

Ego is made of six primary ingredients that account for how we experience ourselves as disconnected.  By allowing ego to determine your life path, you deactivate the power of intention.  Briefly, here are the six ego beliefs.  I’ve written more extensively about them in several of my previous books, most notably Your Sacred Self.

1. I am what I have.  My possession define me.
2. I am what I do.  My achievements define me.
3. I am what others think of me.  My reputation defines me.
4. I am separate from everyone.  My body defines me as alone.
5. I am separate from all that is missing in my life.  My life space is disconnected from my desires.
6. I am separate from God.  My life depends on God’s assessment of my worthiness.

No matter how hard you try, intention can’t be accessed through ego, so take some time to recognize and read just any or all of these six beliefs.  When the supremacy of ego is weakened in your life, you can seek intention and maximize your potential.

Just me,
Cat

“Hi, how are you?”

For the sake of  being polite,  we tend to walk briskly past each other and say a quick “Hi, how are you?”  We don’t even stop to really listen to the response.  It’s like we are just being polite and we don’t really care how the other person is doing …. which is actually quite rude.

Admitt it,  you are guilty of it, too.

The next time you walk past someone say, “Hi,  how are you?” then stop and wait for a response.  The greeting is much more sincere and more rewarding.  I know, I’m corny, but it really does feel good when someone shows they care … even if it’s just for a couple of seconds.

If you don’t care for the small talk at the moment just smile and say “hi!”  A simple smile and “hi” can also really make someone’s day.  Especially if they are having a rough one.

Just me,
Cat

The Unspoken Word

I got this in my inbox today courtesey of Bob Proctor’s Insight of the Day. It’s long but I believe that this is something we all can relate to so I wanted to share.

Don’t forget to tell someone you love them today …. just me, Cat

Lost in Translation

There is definitely something to be said for the unspoken word. Those moments when a simple look or touch tells you exactly what the other person is thinking or feeling. Sadly as magical as those "silent" moments may be, overtime I think we rely too much on them and those thoughts or feelings we are trying to convey to one another get lost in translation.

We forget that the spoken word has some pretty powerful magic of its own.

We stop saying "I love you" because we assume that it is a well-known fact. We stop complimenting each other, because after a while, we figure "its all been said before, so why say it again". We stop telling our loved ones how much we appreciate the things they do, because those things become the norm, lose their luster and eventually go unnoticed.

I saw an elderly couple in the grocery store the other day. They seemed as though they were still in the "honeymoon phase" of their relationship. He held her hand, kissed her cheek and told her he loved her all in the few moments I was near them. Her response was to pat him on the cheek and say "I love you too handsome".

Yes it seemed a little strange of a scene for grocery shopping, but also refreshing to see people who I’m sure have lived through many heartaches, letdowns and broken promises to still be so loving and cherish another human being’s affection so much. I found myself wondering. are they new to this relationship or have they been together most of their lives? The answer didn’t really matter much to me, but the question was worth thinking about. If they were new to the relationship, they were off to a good start. If they had been together for 30-40 years, well. I’d say we could all learn a lot from them.

Seeing these two made me consider my own life and how I communicate with the people I love. I considered how many times I have looked at my husband or daughter and felt an almost breathtaking amount of love, compassion or pride for them and yet I stood and said nothing. I considered how many times I lay next to my husband and wanted nothing more than to be close to him and yet I did not move from my side of the bed. And I wonder why that is. Is it some deep-rooted insecurity or fear of rejection? Probably. But even so, am I not a strong enough person to overcome those fears? I would hope so. Because life is too short not to make the most of every moment you have with the ones you love.
So what have I learned from this? Where do I go from here? How do I change my ways?…

When I find myself hesitating to express my affections, I will reflect on what I felt when I saw the elderly couple in the grocery store. I will stop to notice the expressions and actions of those in my life and I will react accordingly (there are right times and wrong times for shows of affection). I will appreciate the unspoken moments and look forward to the spoken ones – and I will make an effort to initiate both. I will be a more considerate and confident wife, a more complementary parent, a more compassionate friend, a more eager and expressive lover and overall a more expressively honest person. I will notice and appreciate what others do for me and revel in the moment each time a kind word is spoken to me. I will not allow those precious moments to be lost, forgotten or go unnoticed. And last but not least, I will pray that when I reach an elderly age, I will still hold all of those moments in such high regard; I will not become complacent in life and that I will still be assurrounded by love as I amtoday.

Cynthia Scheid
Cynthia is a speaker and coach. Please feel free to contact her with your thoughts on today’s story through her website at: www.LEScoach.com

May the Force Be With You

Sometimes,  the most logical decision pains me to commit to it.  This typically applies to decisions that involve life, emotions, morals, spirituality, religious beliefs and I feel in my heart is my ultimate purpose.

When you encounter that situation, sit in a quiet room, close your eyes and clear your mind of all thoughts.  It is at that moment where you are clear and you heart will be able to speak to you.  The heart knows what it wants and when it gets it,  you are calm and at peace.

For me, I believe that in that moment I am open to God.  He is guiding me to the right decision.  He speaks to my heart and helps me find what is “right” for me.  Whoever your God is,  I’m sure He/She/It speaks to you, too.

Some may say, “What if someone is in a bad relationship, but their ‘heart’ is telling them to stay in that relationship?”  I say … “Well,  the heart is telling that person the relationship is bad, but that person is choosing to ignore it.” 

In a loving relationship,  the relationship is never “bad.”  Loving relationships only hit the occasional pot hole or speed bump. 

Sit in silence and listen to the force inside of you that is guiding you along the way.  You will find that life really doesn’t have to be that hard.

Today I leave you with a conversation between Luke and Yoda from the move Star Wars.

Luke:  How do I know the right decision to make?  Among all the many decisions, how do I know the one that will be with the force?
 
Yoda:  You will know through peace and calm.  You will know you’re on the right track when you’re not feeling frantic, when you’re not feeling anxious, when you’re not struggling with different parts of yourself.  When you get to the right answer and the right decision that is yours, there will be a peace and calm that will come from within you and radiate from you.

Don’t worry, be happy … life is good!
Cat