Find What Makes Them Tick

July 13, 2011

YOUNG ME: “How do you work so well with different people?”

MANAGER: “I find what makes them tick.”

That was the best advice I EVER got in dealing with different people.


Communication is something that we all struggle with.  Everyone has different life stories, cultures, success and failures.  However,  when it boils down to it,  we are all just people who want to be listened to and understood.  This is why it is important to find what makes people “tick” … aka … what makes motivates people … what makes them happy.

How do you find what makes people “tick”?

It’s not easy … nor is it an exact science … but here are a 5 tips that I find help with the process.

The most important, but often missed step in the process.

When you are truly listening to someone all your focus is on them and you process every single word they are saying.  You do not interrupt them.  You let them stop speaking before you speak or form you own opinions.

It’s a very simple concept, but we don’t always do this.  Especially when we are in a hurry or know what we want.

Also,  when you are listening to someone you will learn how they communicate… direct, very formal, casual, scattered … etc.  You will also see if they are decisive, indecisive, or really laid back.

Listening reveals a lot about what makes a person tick and the language style to use when communicating with them.

This has always been a big NO NO.  By stereo typing someone you are sticking them in a box that they might not belong in.  Put aside your pre-conceived notions of how you think someone is or how you think they should be … and focus on who they really are.

By setting aside all stereotypes,  you focus on the true person and do not make assumptions based on what you do not know first hand.

This will help helps you figure out what type of person they are…. You see if they are a happy or a sad person.  If they are strong willed or insecure.

It doesn’t have to be your deepest darkest secret, but share something that shows you’ve got a little bit of life experience.

This will allow you to gauge how comfortable this person is about their personal life.  Sometimes they’ll respond with a very personal story … and sometimes they’ll just nod their heads.

Depending on their response you can unveil if they have are a very private person or a very open person.  You might even discover they have hidden talents or skills that they don’t always openly talk about.

Being honest shows sincerity and proves that you are not a robot.  People don’t like to talk to robots, people like to talk to people.

Be honest with yourself and the person you are talking to.  This will establish a trust and open communication.  They might even openly communicate what makes them happy w/o you having to ask.

Don’t be distracted by other peoples differences.  Accept people for who they are and try not to wish upon them who you wish they would be.

Instead … focus on their strengths and what you do like about them.   You do not have the power to change them so you might as well get over it and move forward.

Easier said than done, especially if you have very strong opinions or are very strong willed.

To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.

– Tony Robbins

I’m no expert in communication BUT I can say that the moment I started to find what makes people “tick” my life got a little easier.

Happy people help make the world “tick.”


The Wanter of Many Things

August 2, 2010

My co-worker said something really cool the other day … “Why should I buy something because advertisements tell me I need it.”

He is so right.  The media has polluted our minds to make us believe that we need more when we don’t really need it. 

We are all guilty of this at some point in our life.  Especially when disposable income is abundant.

I remember when I lived at my parents house.  I had started my career and was making pretty good money.  All I had to pay for was my car, cell phone, credit card, and car insurance.  Food and shelter provided.  The funny thing is … my savings was never reach more than $5k.  Where did all that money go??  The answer is simple:  gadgets, makeup, clothes, black shoes, games for my PC, books, and what ever else I wanted at the time.

As a recovering “wanter of many things” … I have learned that all the “stuff” does not make me happy.  In fact,  after accumulating so much stuff  I got kind of sad.  I have all this stuff that I don’t need cluttering up my little home.  It was a constant reminder of how spoiled I am.  It makes me think of how un-spoiled other people are.  It makes sad because I begin to think of how greedy and selfish I can be.  I even splurged on food and have the body to show for it!

We recently came accross some really hard times.  I call that time a blessing from God.  It was during this time when we were humbled and were brought back to the basic means of survival: God, Family, Friends, Food, water, and shelter.  Although we don’t technically need it … these help … electricity, phone and internet. 🙂

As a recovering “wanters of many things”  … my husband and I have been consolidating our stuff by donating it to charity or family/friends.  We have also been selling our used games to Game Stop and using the credit to buy used games.  In addition, I sell my books to a used bookstore or sell them online at  Now,  when we want something we ask ourself … “Do we want it or we need it?  Is this an investment?” 

We are not perfect and we do splurge on the occassional want.  BUT  it is not as frequent.  The good news is … I don’t miss the stuff.  In fact,  I feel lighter and so much more thankful for EVERYTHING this world has to offer.

To acheive happiness … live simple, be resourcefull, give back to the community, and to never loose sight of all the blessings you already have.  You’ll find that you already have everything you already need and you will no longer be a wanter of many things.

just me,

Don’t Dwell…Do!

March 29, 2010

Some people call me the “Get Over It Queen” because I have the ability to process my emotions and move forward.  I don’t dwell on things,  I do something about it.   I process the situation and figure out how to turn it into something positive and constructive.

Bad things happen all the time,  it’s how you take it that matters.

We’ve all been impacted by a not so fortunate situation.  Instead of looking at them like they are a dead end, look at them as an opportunity to grow and learn.  After all,  life is about the journey.

Miley Cyrus sings a really sweet song that sends a good message.  It’s about “The Climb.”  Below is the video.  If you can’t see the video click here.

When it comes to dealing with the “not so great” situation,  I go through 3 steps:

1.  Who, what, where, how and why did this happen?

Through understanding the who, what, where, how and why a situation happened you gain a better understanding of how to better tackle or avoid this situation again.  Try to weed out all the emotions and focus only on the facts.  Try to be objective and focus on things you know for certain are true.

Example: I was  laid off from my job due to funding issues.  The budget couldn’t accommodate all the needed resources.  I was laid off and it had nothing to do with my performance on the job.

2.  What did I learn?

In all all situations, I believe that we learn something.  Weather it’s something about work or people.  Most importantly it’s important to identify what you have a learned about yourself.

Example:  I learned that I need to do more research and ask more questions before deciding to work for a company.  I also learned that if my goal is to become a really good project manager I need to do some reading, take some classes, and become certified.  Through that process I will feel more confident in my abilities.  I know I don’t need to be certified to do the job, but it gives me peace of mind.

3.  Accept what has happened and look at the “bright side.”

Acceptance will help you get over it.  You can’t fix what has already been done,  the only thing you can do is is accept it and move forward.  Identify the “bright side” and turn it into something constructive and positive.

Example: The bright side is,  I have had some time to look closer at myself and identify my strengths and weaknesses.  I’ve had some time to remind myself about why I work.  It’s not about the money.  I work to contribute for the greater good of mankind, even if it is a small contribution…I need to know my job helps people.  Most importantly, I work for my family so I can provide food, shelter, and water.  The bright side is I have emerged as a stronger person and I can help others make it through a similar situation.

Be strong, be positive.  Your height of happiness awaits you …. I know it!

just me,


Kids are Happiness

March 17, 2010

I love how kids have not yet been tainted by society.

They remind us that we often stress about the things in life that don’t really matter.

Here’s a video of my 2-year-old nephew, Jaden, singing about the world.  At about 0:43 he sings twinkle twinkle little star.

We can learn quite a few things from Jaden, and other kids about his age:

  1. Sing and dancing is not only fun, but it makes people smile
  2. Hug and kiss your family every time you see them
  3. Play with those who aren’t being played with
  4. There isn’t anything that can’t be learned
  5. It was a good day if we prayed, ate, pooped, and played

There is a lot more we can learn from kids … they are happiness in a tiny little package.


March 16, 2010

The Gautane Family

The Gautane Family. The 4 kiddos drew this picture to welcome their Dad home. He had been in Kuwait for 4 months.

The power of family is pretty amazing.

“Family” can refer to the relationship with pets, a close knit group of friends, it can even be your co-workers.

They do so many healing things for your soul. They …

… scoop you out of your pity pot
… wipe away your wasted tears
… listen to you whine and complain
… don’t judge you
… remind you to never loose hope
… give you something to look forward too everyday
… forgive you when you’ve hurt their feelings
… pray for you when you forget to pray for yourself
… and the list goes on and on and on …

Believe it or not,  you do the same thing for your family, too.  That’s the beauty of family,  all things positive are reciprocated without question.

When it boils down to it,  life on this planet is pretty darn depressing if you don’t have a family.

Be thankful for the family that you have.  I know they are thankful for you.

The Happy Parents

March 15, 2010
Dad & Mom. My happy parents!

Daddy & Mommy. I love how Dad is throwing up a peace sign in this picture and Mom is walking very dainty.

I grew up in a strict household. My parents kept me in doors as much as they could and made me get off the phone by 10pm every night. These two things were the focus of many of our arguments. Looking back, I was pretty disrespectful. At the time I thought my parents didn’t “understand” me and they didn’t realize how safe it was out side. My parents were concerned about my safety AND they wanted me to just listen to them. When I look back at those heated fights, I was pretty stupid. I hope they both know how sorry I am for being such a pain in the you know what.

I’ve grown out of my “wild child” phase and I now realize that my parents are right about 95% of the time.

My parents are my Height of Happiness.  My parents are always sharing positive thoughts with me.

This is just the beginning of many posts about my happy parents.